this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
