somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
