My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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