You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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