My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
