There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
