oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
