im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
