so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
