mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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