I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
