Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
