she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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