this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
