You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
