i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Terrible idea I love it
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
