Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
