I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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