Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
