"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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