My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize