The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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