Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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