She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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