what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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