Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
