You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
