She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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