You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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