hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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