I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
