Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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