Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
