y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
