Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
