Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just invented taco cereal.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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