So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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