i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
