totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
