we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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