Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
