I haven't been this sober since birth.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
