why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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