Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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