I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
