Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
