grandma shit on top of the toilet
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
