She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
