that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
