if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
