he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize