ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
