see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
