Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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