I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
