Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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