Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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