You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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