Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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