having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize