He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
