My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Come share oat with me in your robe
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
