I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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