My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
