can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize