i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
