WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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