You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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