do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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