a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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