I think im going to throw up on grandma
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
