just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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