Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
