So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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