I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize