He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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