Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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