Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
