His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
