I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
