thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
