if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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